So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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