I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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