Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
