dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
