I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
