I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
