I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
