24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a beard to bite.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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