WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
