Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
