Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
