dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
