I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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