Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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