I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
