i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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