as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
