i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
