I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
