Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
