Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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