when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
