so that wasnt chicken after all
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
someone owes me an orgasm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
