You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
