Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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