I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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