can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
