hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
