First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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