The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
