do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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