just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
