Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
