I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
