When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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