I wish my penis had an off switch
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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