im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
