Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
