foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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