I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
