I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
