Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
