So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
