I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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