It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What a dumb baby whore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
