A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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