I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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