every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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