I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
