I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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