would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
