You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
